Dragon Age: Destinies of Blood

Episode Three: Spiders, Geezers and Burning Buildings

Big trouble in little Vintiver

Episode Three:
Spiders, Geezers and Burning Buildings

Led by their Dalish guide, the party rushes back to Vintiver for an epic showdown with Mythallen, encountering a powerful foe and a strange new friend along the way…

22nd of Harvestmere (Day 3)

Late Afternoon: Leaving The Ruins

Not Pictured: The Well

Having set free Orellis and the remaining members of his clan from their imprisonment and investigated the Ancient Elven ruins, the party (led by Dalish guide Lirresh) rushed to get back to Vintiver and stop Mythallen. Before leaving, they were informed by Marionne that she would be releasing them from her service and that while they would travel on, she would stay to excavate the ruins on behalf of the Chantry. Belter would also stay to assist the recuperation of the wounded Elves.

Evening: The Spider’s Nest

As night fell, the party kept a swift pace but soon realised that something was very wrong with the region of forest they found themselves in. Mythallen’s corruption had seemingly poisoned the very essence of the surrounding area. Trees were blackened, the air smelt foul and something was most definitely wrong. However Menguy and Lirresh didn’t notice that they had already walked into a sticky trap. They became tangled in a disturbingly massive web and out of the shadows emerged a giant spider!

Oh shit!

From the other side of the clearing they could hear the cries of a man also trapped in the webbing. He called to the group for help. The party leaped into action, attacking the spider with all their might. The strange man and Menguy managed to free themselves in the following moments and enter the fray too. Sadly, Lirresh just found himself getting more and more tangled.

The battle was fierce. At one point the stranger climbed all the way up the Spider’s back, resisting the beast’s attempts to shake him off. Yelling “You slaaaag!”, he dug his dagger deep into the creature’s flesh and sliced open a vicious wound as he slid down. Part of the spider’s insides poked out. Meanwhile Tyene fired arrows into their enemy’s eyes and Menguy slashed at his legs, whilst Mythrandir froze it with his magic abilities. In anger, the creature lashed out, biting the stranger and seemingly poisoning him.

What finally brought the giant spider down was a blast from Mythrandir’s staff. As it fired what was supposed to be a simple lance of magical energy it glowed bright with a shining silver glow and audibly hummed. The Spider’s entire back inflated and then exploded, splattering everyone with its copious guts.

So many shaft jokes…

With battle concluded, the stranger introduced himself as “Cheeky” Barry and offered to help them in return for their assistance. He then freed Lirresh and slapped him the face for his ineffectiveness.

Night: Showdown in Vintiver

After a hurried scramble through the woods, up and down slopes and through vicious brambles, the group were faced with a village in utter chaos. Several buildings were up in flames and the screams of battle rang out in the air.

Still nicer than Yardley

The path was clear. Battle lay ahead. The group prepared themselves and moved into Vintiver.

Bloodcrows swarmed above in the sky, villagers fought for their very lives with pitchforks and hoes against Mythallen’s army of Revengers. Tarl Dale led the poor farmers in their struggle while Sister Arda tended to the wounded while standing in the centre of the town square was Mythallen. The rage abomination screamed for the death of all humans and laughed with such evil it sent chills through the adventurers bones. But before the party would face him, they had to attend to an even more pressing concern. The inn was ablaze and Eshara was screaming for help from an upstairs window. “Menguy!”, she called, “I knew you would return! Please, help me!”

Lenny Henry would probably still do adverts for it

Menguy charged his way inside, through the fire and smoke. The innkeepers lay dead on the floor, crushed by burning beams. The Avvar struggled up the stairs, the heat burning his flesh and the smoke choking his lungs but he made it to the upstairs rooms. Once there he embraced Eshara before taking the bedsheets and emptied the chamber pot over them to make them damp. He covered himself in this stinky protection and shepherded the Dalish elf back through the burning tavern.

Mmmmmmmm, hawt!

With the lady safe, they turned their focus on Mythallen. Coalan the blacksmith was foolishly charging the beast with his bare fists. A slash from Mythallen’s vicious claws took him down in a second. In attempt to save the man who had earlier tried to kill them, Menguy ran over and shouted distractions at the monster while Barry took the moment to drag the wounded racist away.

However, though that initial action worked as planned, Mythallen was not impressed by Menguy’s curses and attacked the already badly burned warrior. Mythrandir and Tyene tried to run interference with bowfire and magic but the abomination shrugged many of the attacks off. Barry and Menguy (with Coalan in tow) relocated to a nearby shop in the hope of safety from Mythallen’s wrath. The insanely frightening beast kept close pursuit, following them indoors. Knowing that running was not going to cut it, Barry got the blacksmith back on his feet, and Menguy threw him his hammer. What followed was going to be a close quarters bloodbath.

Unfortunately Coalan’s first action was to fling himself across the counter directly at Mythallen. Slamming his head into the wall and crying in a ball on the floor, where he was promptly decapitated.

Up and Over

Dramatic Reconstruction

The melee turned vicious and things became complicated. Menguy and Barry fought Mythallen up close indoors while Mythrandir and Tyene fired their weapons on him from outside the shop.

The group then noticed that Mythrandir’s staff was glowing again. They figured out that the the silver link was boosting any attacks against anything tainted by Mythallen’s energy. One specifically powerful blast from Mythrandir not only badly burned the abomination but blew out every window in the shop. Realising its importance, Barry (who had been deep in the action) shouted, “infuse my weapon with the power of the link!”.

Even though it was quite apparent no one knew what the hell that meant exactly, Tyene ran past the mage, grabbed his pouch (steady on) and leaped inside through the show window (with amazing grace) before passing the link to Barry. Barry didn’t get that much use of it however (infusing or otherwise) as Mythallen not only sliced him up immediately with razor sharp claws but used demonic hellfire to cause the cheeky chappy to burst into flames. Barry was out of the fight.

It used to only feel like this when I pissed!

Things may have looked bleak, with Barry down on the floor and Coalan dead but the tide was in fact slowly turning. Though only causing little amounts of damage individually, the combination of the group’s attacks on Mythallen were certain to destroy him soon. But the abomination still had one last trick up his sleeve as he screamed “Revengers, to me!”.

The party members said out loud…“What?”, before a pair of “Revengers”, the creatures that worked at Mythallen’s bidding, swarmed Mythrandir from behind and cut him down.


Just when all hope was lost, Menguy raised his mighty bastard sword in the air and cleft Mythallen in twain. Yeah, sliced him right down the middle. Like a giant evil pinata, light and smoke flowed out of him skywards with an unholy scream. His revengers likewise opened their mouths in shrieks, visible smoke emenating from their mouths, rising up into a massive vortex above the town. As this happened, their forms, including that of Mythallen, quickly transformed back into their original Elven selves. Those who had been horrifically wounded fell down dead, while others stood stunned and confused. The vortex closed with a sound like a thunderclap.

If the town grew mushrooms instead of grapes it would have been awesome to watch

At once all was quiet. The only sound was the soft moan of the collective wounded. The party went to the aid of their own fallen, reviving them both from near death. Many, many, villagers had perished in the battle including of course Coalan, his head splattered across the shop walls as it was. His newly-made widow howled with sorrow when she laid eyes on his remains. Barry, Menguy and Mythrandir all grinned at this sight saying such things to eachother as “Widow huh?”, “Dibs” and “Mine” while Tyene rolled her eyes.

Tarl Dale and the rest of the survivors began chanting “The Heroes of Vintiver!” for the group. They cheered the brave souls who had saved their town.

23rd-28th of Harvestmere (Day 4-9)

Leaving for Ruswold Valley

Over the next few days, the members of the party participated in both the clean-up that followed and in the celebrations of their brave deeds. They witnessed the peaceful arrival of the Yonwyn Dalish clan, who arrived to apologise for what had happened. The people from the two groups embraced, their grievances with eachother forgiven, at least for now. Orellis presented Tyene with the bow Harralan owned before his transformation into Mythallen. He also proclaimed the party members honourary members of the clan and promised to assist them if they ever crossed paths again. Coalan’s hammer was lain at the centre of the town square where a statue would be built someday, honouring the town hero and the adventurers’ participation in the fight.

The town’s celebrations did not end quite as classy as one would hope however. At the final night of drunken revelry following the battle, both Menguy and Barry tried to seduce the widow of Coalan. She ran out crying while Eshara, horrified at her supposed “hero’s” behaviour, slapped Menguy across the face. The whole village watched awkwardly. What made matters more repugnant was that Mythrandir waited outside to comfort her, really with the intention of bedding her himself. In her fragile state she allowed herself to be taken advantage of.


With that awkward affair distinctly souring the people’s view of their rescuers, the time came to move on. There was still the matter of stopping the bandit attacks in Ruswold Valley, a lucrative bounty that the party had been heading to take before they’d passed Vintiver and engaged its own troubles. Tarl Dale presented the group with a note of recommendation for the local Bann, though he was still perturbed by the group’s distinct lack of social niceties. Barry said he would join the group on their adventures if money was involved. They shook hands and took him on board.

Two final bits of news placed a dark shroud over the mood of their departure. Firstly, as the group took their first steps out of Vintiver, they were approached by Sister Arda. She told the party that though she was overjoyed they had saved the village, she had unfortunately sent a letter to the Chantry following the killing of several villagers who had ambushed the party several days beforehand. The letter mentioned that the group had a powerful apostate mage with them, along with a description of Mythrandir. It was now likely that the Templars, the Chantry’s mage hunting warriors, would soon be dispatched to investigate.

The second piece of news came as they turned back to the road, a shout rang out “It’s Coalan’s widow! She’s killed herself!”. Mythrandir said “Oh dear”.


Get moving! The next town’s not gonna rape itself!

Choice Quotes

During the fight with the giant spider

GM: Climbing a giant spider is a major action

Tom: But I want to ride the spider


GM: Right then..You fucking climb that spider!

Caz: You want to flame blast a frozen spider?

Billy: It’d be like baked Alaska!

Badly chosen phrasing of a magical event…

GM: You can feel a vibration in your pouch

…which leads to more wrongness

GM: You wonder, what made your staff glow like that?

Billy: Well there was this one girl…

Lirresh leads the way with some strange confusion as to their destination

GM: You’re all following him

Billy: We’re all in Africa??

The battle of Vintiver is a messy affair

GM: The villagers are standing in a circle beating them off.

Caz: Sounds like fun

Barry greets the blacksmith with his usual charm

Tom: Coalan! You slaaaaaaaaaaaaag!

Tyene’s manoeuvre leads to some worry

Alex: Are you fiddling in my pouch? Stop juggling my pouch!!

Not happy with just an elf to bang, Menguy weighs his options

Billy: What do I have to roll for a 3-way?

Tom: We’re rolling for “Colon’s” wife

Tom and Billy get slapped by Coalan’s wife

Alex: Well if they are, I want a go too

After much horribleness, Alex shags Coalan’s wife

Caz: I didn’t fuck anyone

Tom: I’ll roll for the elf

The end result of molesting a grieving widow

Tom: Then kind sir, I fistbump to that!

Tom thinks Billy’s victory was just sloppy seconds

Tom: I made the gash that he stuck his sword in!



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